Anxiety and Self-Doubt When Working with Clients
Have you ever felt anxiety or self doubt when working with clients? You’re not alone. Zoë recently shared her experience in our Slack community, and she graciously let me share it with you...
“There’s this roller skating disco in the park across the street almost daily. A public, outdoor rink has been taken over by roller skaters who were exiled from their 30-year stakeout at Venice Beach by a construction project. On weekend evenings, they set up lights and a DJ booth. People young and old of every color put on their skates and groove to classic soul music, 80s house, and modern hip-hop.
What this means for me is that during the year of the pandemic when there are NO parties, there is an ongoing, safe, free, open-invitation party in my backyard that I desperately want to join. There’s just one problem. I don’t have roller skates.
But then, through an alignment of the stars, I was asked to do a wine label for a new client. I was so excited and nervous—this client was much larger than previous clients. With a history of undercharging, I dared myself to ask for more this time—3 times more than I had asked for the last label I had done. I’ve been operating pretty lean lately, so this check would put me back into a comfortable place where I could, in good conscience, buy something beyond the essentials, like sparkly roller skates.
The client was already in a panicked state when they approached me. The winery needed the label yesterday. I too was in a panicked state due to a bout of imposter syndrome. So panicked that I hastily sent the contract through improper channels just to get things moving. My contact called me. He wasn’t happy that I had skipped him in the chain. After some damage control, we agreed that we would discuss the contract on our group call the next day. Not wanting to rock the boat, against my better judgment, I started the project without having finalized the contract.
We’re now two weeks into the project. The contract is in limbo. I’ve politely and patiently nudged a few times to get it finalized. I’ve put about 40 hours of work in, two carefully rehearsed presentations, and asked myself over and over if I was really fit for such a task—making a label for a real winery. Were they doubting my ability? Were they going to pull out?
But then, just when I was beginning another spiral of self-sabotage, they signed the contract and I bought a pair of Sure-Grip Stardusts and I’m whizzing around the rink in a blaze of glory as we speak.
Just kidding.
The contract still hasn’t been signed. I’m sharing this with you guys because I’m living it right now. I’m navigating the “what ifs” and the self doubt and the regret and fucking Newman. “Newman” is the name I’ve given my imposter syndrome. Like his Seinfeld character namesake, he shows up uninvited, and he’s obnoxious, but he’s mostly harmless.
What have I learned? Well, the obvious takeaway is to finalize the contract before starting the project and make this boundary clear from the beginning. (!)
But the deeper insight I’ve gained is that the path of least resistance is a mirage. It looks smooth at first, but before you know it, you’re deep in the quicksand.
And it’s not just that maybe I won’t get paid--punishment enough--but that waiting for the contract to get signed is a drawn-out period of uncertainty and anxiety with no end in sight.
The momentary comfort I may feel as I delude myself through a low-friction interaction at the beginning of a relationship is not worth it. So next time I’ll rock the fucking boat — in a respectful, centered way — so I can get out there to that irresistible dance party.”
About a month after Zoë posted this story, I received this DM from her:
I hope you, too, can get out to your ‘irresistible dance party’.
Keep growing and learning, friend!
Melinda
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